By Amelia Gapin
This is Amelia's second story in the Transgender topic. In her first story (see previous post), she talked about constantly considering suicide. Here she shares a more positive outlook.
For 30 years, I’d look in the mirror many times every day, but I never saw a real person staring back at me. I’d see this thing that I’m pretty sure was supposed to be a person. I mean he looked liked a person and all that, there were eyes and a nose and a mouth and arms and legs, but I had no connection to him. He was just this empty shell with no purpose.
Things are different now. I look in the mirror and there is this real live person looking back at me. She’s beyond happy and confident to the extreme and totally awesome. I like this person and I like looking at her. I feel connected to her. And I should feel connected to her, she is me. She is the person I always knew I should be and the person I saw myself as inside. She’s the person I wanted to be.
I never expected I’d get to this point. Less than two years ago, I never even thought I’d ever transition. I had a thousand reasons why it would never happen and I wouldn’t do it. When I did start transition, I didn’t expect it to go well. I didn’t expect to actually be happy, I just figured, at best, I’d be not miserable. But this person I see in the mirror, whom I have staring contests with, is almost attractive, upbeat, and smiling all the time. She is a real-life manifestation of what happens when you decide not to give up on yourself and your happiness.
I love her.
And I love her more and more each day.