By Annie Marron
Men move fast in the land of OKCupid. They'll take you to dinner before they ask your last name. Like piranhas around a capsizing bus, they’re ready for action at the first sign of life.
Unfortunately for Samuel, my first online date, I needed a lot of what I lovingly call “conversational fluffing”, before I could jump into this new, fast-paced world. You could say conversational fluffing is an offshoot of its distant, racier, cousin of small screen, XXX fame.
Just like the overworked plumber in hot housewife porn, I needed a lot of warm up chat (off-screen hand job) before I could meet some random guy out for a date (the explosive final scene).
Whatever it took, Samuel was willing to put in the work. And I had decided it was time to finally date. The incoming messages from potential suitors, although entertaining in their own right, weren’t gonna give me fabulous kisses. I had been in self-imposed isolation for far too long. Samuel seemed interesting and his picture resembled a sexy, moody, wristwatch ad, so I went for it.
Our initial online conversation was awkward (who asks a girl to send him a haiku?), but then I sort of hit it off with him. He was flirty, confident, and direct. Perfect for kicking off my training wheels and going on my first OKCupid date!
After about a week of typing back and forth a la “You’ve Got Mail” (I know, so old fashioned), he asked me for my phone number. And then, He Called Me. This was the ultimate in conversational fluffing. If you are new to online dating I want to warn you this almost never happens. Text messaging has eradicated the phone call. I’m pretty sure the reason he was willing to call me was he knew the power of his sexy voice. So smooth and baritone, he sounded like a late night R&B DJ. I was excited. This was actually happening! I was planning a date, with a man; I had launched my dating career.
My bright re-emergence into the dating world with Samuel began and ended with one encounter at a low-lit lounge downtown. It is amazing how someone can sound so smooth, but translate so different in person. Despite the fairly ridiculous conversation we had, I will admit that I made out with him in a dark corner by the pool table. He was a pretty good kisser and, honestly, I just needed to be reminded that I knew what I was doing. I will also admit that walking me back to my car, we ran into his friend who asked about their next Dungeons and Dragons meet up.
We weren’t a match made in heaven, but he helped me go out on that first, scary, OKCupid date. Thanks to his silk panties voice, I was coaxed out of online anonymity and into the thick it. Pretty soon I’d even start to send messages of my own, but I’ll save that story for next week.
This story first appeared on Ladyish.